This and That

A fellow adoptive mom passed this info to me and so I thought in turn I'd pass it along to anyone that has adopted recently (or thinking ahead for when they do complete the adoption) and wishing they had professional pictures to capture the moment but not wanting to add another financial straw to the camel's back. Really neat that you can get pro-bono photography from some of your areas best photographers...at least most of the ones I saw for my area were good...and includes a free sitting fee and proofs.  As long as you do it in the year after you adopt, you should have no problems.  So check it out! Yay! for kind hearted business professionals! Makes me think of an idea for my own business...

http://www.celebratingadoption.org


Then for those of you in the NW Arkansas area who are past the home study process and looking for grants available (or for those that are just interested in a very moving story of the couple who set this foundation up based on their own adoption) then check out The Titus Task Foundation. If you are interested in helping out the foundation to raise money so they can keep the grant alive AND wanting to race in their fundraiser, there is one on Oct 16th out of Siloam Springs....it would HAVE to be the day after I am having hernia surgery naturally, but next year the good ol' Crooks family is there!

http://www.thetitustask.com/2010-titus-task-race-day---get-registered.html


On a funny side note, an awesome graphic designer who does my business logo and cards,  put together and donated these business cards that say our blog site address (bandofcrooks.blogspot.com) on one side and "Donate To Bring Our Baby Home" on the other. I love them and they are great for handing to people interested in following along with our adoption story as well as raising awareness for adoption in general. Friends have left them at schools, dr. offices, and hair salons as well as restaurants and just kept them for themselves. It was only recently that I realized that most of the people that pick up a card do not have any idea of who we are nor does it explain on the cards that "Crooks" is our last name...which means these random folks have no idea why our blog site is humorously titled "bandofcrooks" nor why they are prodded to "donate to our adoption" via these cards we hand out...they are instead left thinking A) "is this some kind of joke?" or B), "why would I donate to a bunch of crooks that will take our money and run!" Hahahahaha! Irony is hilarious isn't it! :)  We have had a really good laugh at imagining what people must initially be thinking...on the flip side, it has to get some people REALLY curious as to what is going on and maybe they come and take a look for themselves which is exactly the point in the first place.

AWESOME opportunity!

Did I ever mention that I LOVE my job?! well I may not have mentioned it in the last hour...:)

Today I had an awesome opportunity to work on a birthmom.  Some friends of mine who are adopting (very soon) had me do a pregnancy massage on the birthmom of the baby girl they are anxiously awaiting being born..it was SO neat!  Just an amazing chance to relax both mom, birthmom and baby all at once and I couldn't help but think of Lilian throughout!

I wish so often that I would get the chance to meet Lilian's birth mom one day, particularly if that is something she longs for as she grows up. I imagined what it must feel like to have questions and be able to call up the birthmom and just ask outright.  I wished I could massage away the tension and anxiety of our birthmom like I was blessed to be able to do today for someone else's.  And it was really insightful to get to talk openly with this woman about her decision to place the baby she is carrying for into the homes and arms of this wonderful couple..I admired her decision and strength of character. Her love for this child was evident, as was the love for her other children she had chosen to continue to parent.  She wore tatoos of their names like badges of honor upon her skin, she was proud to be a mother and wanted nothing more than to be a good one to the children she was raising. This made her decision to adopt so profound. It was out of LOVE.

When I think about Lilians' birthmom, I imagine her in a similar decision..knowing how much she already loves the children she has had (I assume she has had any prior) and wishing the situation was different and that she could raise another child and they all be better for it.  I imagine her decision is not based on a belief that she wouldn't be ABLE to parent this baby had the circumstances allowed, but rather it comes from knowing she had limitations that did not make it possible for her to be as good of a parent as her child deserved.  So out of love for this little person growing inside her, she vows to do right by the baby and offer her a fair chance at a full life.  Then she looks at the children she has already and decides out of love that they deserve her undivided attention and she knows without hesitation that she is at full capacity already with the children she is raising and can take on no more.  And adoption is born! 

I am in awe of these women!  They are seeing beyond their feelings and looking into the eyes of their children and doing what is best. I would like to think in that situation I would make the same choice, but it demands a sharp mind and character that I'm not so sure I would posess being put to the test...particularly now that I have children.  I believe for me, selfishness gets in the way and clouds my judgement at even the thought of having to make a choice similar to this.  So because it is a decision I am not sure I could make, even when it's the best for my child...I am just overwhelmed with appreciation for the ones that are stronger than I  imagine I would be and they make it despite how painful initially it might be to do so.  I am thankful for the experience I had today!  I can't wait until I get to tell Lilian that her becoming part of our family was based on this amazing love for her coming from both directions.  And as for my friend and the birthmom I got an opportunity to meet, I send prayers that their baby continues to grow in health and that they continue to nurture their relationship over the years. It's just such a special relationship and I'm so excited for them!  :)

Switching Gears

Sometimes, when you realize there is nothing you can do..you feel compelled to give in to the unavoidable and go with it...and this is such a time.  There has been continuing delays since June in India with the adoption process.  Currently there stands for us to have an additional, unexpected delay of up to 2-3 months. Here is the generalized breakdown for those interested. 

The ACA is the agency in India that up until now is responsible for approving the paperwork of babies who have been relinquished (in other words, their moms have come in and signed them over to an orphanage as opposed to just abandoning them).  The ACA in the past has been the agency that is responsible for approving our referrals. (referrals are in essence "when you find out who your baby is" and the first time we hear about our daughter with her medical info and picture, etc.), however since June the ACA have not been able to renew their license with India's government, so the agency in India who is in charge of adoptions (CARA) has declared that all referrals can now come through another agency called the CWC (they usually deal with abandoned orphans only).  We knew this might be a possibility when the ACA was taking too long to renew their license back in June. What we DIDN'T know was that there were going to be extra delays on top of the expected ones.

As it stands now the couples who have been matched with a child already in May-June with the ACA, are now having to go back and be re-referred through the new organization, the CWC. What that means for them is they cannot go on to get their NOC (no objection certificate) until they are re-approved through this other agency, which looks like it can take up to an additional 2-3 months. What that means for us is that instead of receiving our referral by the end of Sept like we had wished from the beginning, we will have to wait until all the people in front of us who have received referrals back in May and June, go back to the different organization (the CWC) and get approved again before the CWC will issue any NEW referrals for people like us. 

IN Short that means we will be waiting for some time until we get matched with a baby. :(  Not what we were expecting at all.  We are disheartened a bit. In October, everything in India, (including adoption) comes to a halt for the entire month due to holiday, so we will not hear anything new until November at the earliest if we have not heard anything by the end of Sept.  My question is, "What about the babies who were 6 months in June..they are now 8 months old and if it's taking 4-7 months to pick them up ..or longer..how old with our daughter be when we bring her home?"  When we first signed up the estimate was 10 months-14 months old.  With an average baby being 12 months by the time they joined your family. My concern is the attachment process being more difficult the older she becomes before we bring her home, but there are a lot of factors that would affect that, not merely her age.  At this point, it is uncertain how everything will pan out so I am left with hope and prayers for patience.

I'm definitely leaning on God these days to take the burden away of not being able to do anything to change the situation. I'm having to put my own selfish wants of bringing our daughter home NOW aside, and learn to accept (yet again) that God truly is in control and wants the best possible outcome for our family.  It's not been easy to stick with this 'master plan' but it is a lesson that is good for us and reminds us that we are just tools God uses to accomplish His plan. 

The good news is we have more time to gather the money we will need to accomplish the rest of our adoption.  We have applied for two grants over the week and are VERy hopeful that these are one of the avenues that we are supposed to be taking to get the money together that we are lacking.  If not, I'm confident it will come in another way.  Not to mention, in Oct I am needing to have hernia surgery to fix the hernias I developed while I was pregnant with my first biological daughter...which puts me out of work for at least 6 weeks, so we are needing to switch gears a bit.  The truth is, that lately it has appeared to be POURING...(you know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"! ). It is all I can do to concentrate on one thing at a time.  So I am actually very much looking forward to a break at work and some (forced) time off to recover long before we travel to India.  These are all Good things..just not in the way I anticipated things unfolding at this point in the process. :) 

Well I will be happy to continue to update my blog with new information as it becomes available. I pray for those that are further in the process than we are and instead of going forward are having to backtrack. I can't imagine having a picture of your child and then having additional delays that restrict your being able to go and hold them for the first time. I find myself wishing to be beyond this part of the process so often.  I long for the day we bring her back to belong to us and think nothing of the paper chase or lengthy delays that have become second nature at this point.  I look forward to just being a family. 

In the meantime, I will continue to have my friends and family who are super supportive encourage me and I will be ever thankful for what God has blessed us with. My favorite time of year (fall) is right around the corner and despite my up and coming surgery, I vow to enjoy every second of it the best I can!" Enjoy the holiday weekend with your friends and/or family and know that even though everything seems so uncertain now, God has the ability to change anything He wants and it could happen tomorrow..so be prepared! :) 


Happy Labor Day!

CROOKS FAMILY 2010

Good Clean Fun! :)

Where's Your Nose?!

Matriarch and Patriarch

We had my awesome friend Amber of Amber Lanning Photography outdo herself yet again on some of the most fun family pictures we have had done yet. I can't wait to redo them next year once we have the entire family together at last!  I am a big believer in putting pictures around the house to remind you of the blessings you have..however in our bedroom I make a rule to have only pictures of Todd and I as a couple..for good reason! :) I am off to get some much needed sleep and hope to provide an India update to those of you needing one...tomorrow.

A quick side note before sleep: I have been overwhelmed with the generosity that has been shown to us by complete strangers the past couple of days. We have received a few donations lately which we are more than appreciative for, and some have been from people we have never met...it's inspiring to see who God is using to bring Lili home and encouraging to us that we have support from the most unlikely sources. We are just so thankful tonight for the kindness of strangers! It reminds me of something my mom always said "We help those we can and never expect to be repaid. As you go through life, do what you can for those that you are able to help and remember the kindness that at one time was done to you." Pay it forward!

So a million thanks to those out there who have been so thoughtful to our cause. It will not be forgotten!