AWESOME opportunity!

Did I ever mention that I LOVE my job?! well I may not have mentioned it in the last hour...:)

Today I had an awesome opportunity to work on a birthmom.  Some friends of mine who are adopting (very soon) had me do a pregnancy massage on the birthmom of the baby girl they are anxiously awaiting being born..it was SO neat!  Just an amazing chance to relax both mom, birthmom and baby all at once and I couldn't help but think of Lilian throughout!

I wish so often that I would get the chance to meet Lilian's birth mom one day, particularly if that is something she longs for as she grows up. I imagined what it must feel like to have questions and be able to call up the birthmom and just ask outright.  I wished I could massage away the tension and anxiety of our birthmom like I was blessed to be able to do today for someone else's.  And it was really insightful to get to talk openly with this woman about her decision to place the baby she is carrying for into the homes and arms of this wonderful couple..I admired her decision and strength of character. Her love for this child was evident, as was the love for her other children she had chosen to continue to parent.  She wore tatoos of their names like badges of honor upon her skin, she was proud to be a mother and wanted nothing more than to be a good one to the children she was raising. This made her decision to adopt so profound. It was out of LOVE.

When I think about Lilians' birthmom, I imagine her in a similar decision..knowing how much she already loves the children she has had (I assume she has had any prior) and wishing the situation was different and that she could raise another child and they all be better for it.  I imagine her decision is not based on a belief that she wouldn't be ABLE to parent this baby had the circumstances allowed, but rather it comes from knowing she had limitations that did not make it possible for her to be as good of a parent as her child deserved.  So out of love for this little person growing inside her, she vows to do right by the baby and offer her a fair chance at a full life.  Then she looks at the children she has already and decides out of love that they deserve her undivided attention and she knows without hesitation that she is at full capacity already with the children she is raising and can take on no more.  And adoption is born! 

I am in awe of these women!  They are seeing beyond their feelings and looking into the eyes of their children and doing what is best. I would like to think in that situation I would make the same choice, but it demands a sharp mind and character that I'm not so sure I would posess being put to the test...particularly now that I have children.  I believe for me, selfishness gets in the way and clouds my judgement at even the thought of having to make a choice similar to this.  So because it is a decision I am not sure I could make, even when it's the best for my child...I am just overwhelmed with appreciation for the ones that are stronger than I  imagine I would be and they make it despite how painful initially it might be to do so.  I am thankful for the experience I had today!  I can't wait until I get to tell Lilian that her becoming part of our family was based on this amazing love for her coming from both directions.  And as for my friend and the birthmom I got an opportunity to meet, I send prayers that their baby continues to grow in health and that they continue to nurture their relationship over the years. It's just such a special relationship and I'm so excited for them!  :)

Switching Gears

Sometimes, when you realize there is nothing you can do..you feel compelled to give in to the unavoidable and go with it...and this is such a time.  There has been continuing delays since June in India with the adoption process.  Currently there stands for us to have an additional, unexpected delay of up to 2-3 months. Here is the generalized breakdown for those interested. 

The ACA is the agency in India that up until now is responsible for approving the paperwork of babies who have been relinquished (in other words, their moms have come in and signed them over to an orphanage as opposed to just abandoning them).  The ACA in the past has been the agency that is responsible for approving our referrals. (referrals are in essence "when you find out who your baby is" and the first time we hear about our daughter with her medical info and picture, etc.), however since June the ACA have not been able to renew their license with India's government, so the agency in India who is in charge of adoptions (CARA) has declared that all referrals can now come through another agency called the CWC (they usually deal with abandoned orphans only).  We knew this might be a possibility when the ACA was taking too long to renew their license back in June. What we DIDN'T know was that there were going to be extra delays on top of the expected ones.

As it stands now the couples who have been matched with a child already in May-June with the ACA, are now having to go back and be re-referred through the new organization, the CWC. What that means for them is they cannot go on to get their NOC (no objection certificate) until they are re-approved through this other agency, which looks like it can take up to an additional 2-3 months. What that means for us is that instead of receiving our referral by the end of Sept like we had wished from the beginning, we will have to wait until all the people in front of us who have received referrals back in May and June, go back to the different organization (the CWC) and get approved again before the CWC will issue any NEW referrals for people like us. 

IN Short that means we will be waiting for some time until we get matched with a baby. :(  Not what we were expecting at all.  We are disheartened a bit. In October, everything in India, (including adoption) comes to a halt for the entire month due to holiday, so we will not hear anything new until November at the earliest if we have not heard anything by the end of Sept.  My question is, "What about the babies who were 6 months in June..they are now 8 months old and if it's taking 4-7 months to pick them up ..or longer..how old with our daughter be when we bring her home?"  When we first signed up the estimate was 10 months-14 months old.  With an average baby being 12 months by the time they joined your family. My concern is the attachment process being more difficult the older she becomes before we bring her home, but there are a lot of factors that would affect that, not merely her age.  At this point, it is uncertain how everything will pan out so I am left with hope and prayers for patience.

I'm definitely leaning on God these days to take the burden away of not being able to do anything to change the situation. I'm having to put my own selfish wants of bringing our daughter home NOW aside, and learn to accept (yet again) that God truly is in control and wants the best possible outcome for our family.  It's not been easy to stick with this 'master plan' but it is a lesson that is good for us and reminds us that we are just tools God uses to accomplish His plan. 

The good news is we have more time to gather the money we will need to accomplish the rest of our adoption.  We have applied for two grants over the week and are VERy hopeful that these are one of the avenues that we are supposed to be taking to get the money together that we are lacking.  If not, I'm confident it will come in another way.  Not to mention, in Oct I am needing to have hernia surgery to fix the hernias I developed while I was pregnant with my first biological daughter...which puts me out of work for at least 6 weeks, so we are needing to switch gears a bit.  The truth is, that lately it has appeared to be POURING...(you know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"! ). It is all I can do to concentrate on one thing at a time.  So I am actually very much looking forward to a break at work and some (forced) time off to recover long before we travel to India.  These are all Good things..just not in the way I anticipated things unfolding at this point in the process. :) 

Well I will be happy to continue to update my blog with new information as it becomes available. I pray for those that are further in the process than we are and instead of going forward are having to backtrack. I can't imagine having a picture of your child and then having additional delays that restrict your being able to go and hold them for the first time. I find myself wishing to be beyond this part of the process so often.  I long for the day we bring her back to belong to us and think nothing of the paper chase or lengthy delays that have become second nature at this point.  I look forward to just being a family. 

In the meantime, I will continue to have my friends and family who are super supportive encourage me and I will be ever thankful for what God has blessed us with. My favorite time of year (fall) is right around the corner and despite my up and coming surgery, I vow to enjoy every second of it the best I can!" Enjoy the holiday weekend with your friends and/or family and know that even though everything seems so uncertain now, God has the ability to change anything He wants and it could happen tomorrow..so be prepared! :) 


Happy Labor Day!

CROOKS FAMILY 2010

Good Clean Fun! :)

Where's Your Nose?!

Matriarch and Patriarch

We had my awesome friend Amber of Amber Lanning Photography outdo herself yet again on some of the most fun family pictures we have had done yet. I can't wait to redo them next year once we have the entire family together at last!  I am a big believer in putting pictures around the house to remind you of the blessings you have..however in our bedroom I make a rule to have only pictures of Todd and I as a couple..for good reason! :) I am off to get some much needed sleep and hope to provide an India update to those of you needing one...tomorrow.

A quick side note before sleep: I have been overwhelmed with the generosity that has been shown to us by complete strangers the past couple of days. We have received a few donations lately which we are more than appreciative for, and some have been from people we have never met...it's inspiring to see who God is using to bring Lili home and encouraging to us that we have support from the most unlikely sources. We are just so thankful tonight for the kindness of strangers! It reminds me of something my mom always said "We help those we can and never expect to be repaid. As you go through life, do what you can for those that you are able to help and remember the kindness that at one time was done to you." Pay it forward!

So a million thanks to those out there who have been so thoughtful to our cause. It will not be forgotten!

Nia's Family Portrait

I have a bright little girl who is 4 named Nia...she is almost 5 and will remind you when you ask her age.  She has a big heart and is always thinking of our baby Lili and asking questions about adoption. Lately, she has become quite the little artist and drew our family portrait a few months ago.  It's my favorite picture so far! She made wings on baby Lillian, since she is so far away, so that she may fly to us when we are to become her family.  It just made my day to share it with you!  :)

we put the FUN in fundraising!

A lot on the brain over the past week or so.  The road trip was great and it was awesome going home and visiting with family and the Indian food in particular that Ella (mom 2) made was fantastic. So excited about the connection that our daughters will all feel for Nebraska as they get older and also to India.

As far as fundraising for our adoption, it started out as a good idea to use everything I made going towards the adoption..but then we realized that after overhead costs and babysitting fees and bills, that I may help out with our budget at home more than I realized.  We definately put back as much as possible including any extras people would give as tips/donations, but we are still not making money as efficiently as I had thought I would have at this point.  Naturally, I'm happy to have any...but I'm left wondering what I can do to get the community to think donating even $5 is beneficial to achieving our goal.  (possibly people are assuming we are only looking for substantial donation amounts so they are not contributing, thinking their donation may be too small? or perhaps they don't know us and wonder where the money really will go? all understandable). 

So, it was time to put our heads together and think! We did a little brainstorming over the week I was out of town, and the family came up with some good fundraising ideas to reach our goal. Todd and I broke it down and decided we need $18 from 300 people to reach what we need to finish the agency part of the adoption. This should be the last sum we pay to the agency directly. Next year before we travel, our plane tickets and travel costs will cost another $5000 or so, but we have tax money we expect to pay for this, so it's not so immediate. 

300 people...giving $18 each..doesn't sound so bad..in fact that sounds obtainable even!!!

Now the wheels are turning.  My other mom, Ella, suggested to make that goal even easier, why not break it into 30 people in charge of getting $18 from 10 people.  Wow! Wonder why I hadn't thought of that before.... So now you have delegated it out to those closest to you that will approach the people closest to them with a suggestion that will probably be heard. No longer is a silent glass jar sitting there nagging people's conscience to donate to random strangers...instead you have "jane" asking "sally" to give her $18 to support "my childhood friend so and so who is in an adoption".  If someone I knew well asked me to donate under these pretenses..I would definately do it!  And it gives the one in charge of the 10 people they know, the option of breaking it into 20 people giving $6 instead. If that is easier to do and you have that many friends who aren't in a financial situation that is able to give the whole $18 then I say however you want to help reach the goal is great.  And if you wanted you could split the 10 people with your friend and each try to get 5 people to donate the $18 and meet back in a couple weeks and combine it. Looking to rasie the money we need all by myself, well it gets overwhelming. However, looking at it as a project that I can do alongside my friends makes it manageable. 

Finally, I have a plan that I see working. In addition to cards (business cards with our blogsite on them to hand out to interested people who want to know more about our cause) that my sweet girl Jen put together for me out of the goodness of her heart, I have a plan!! WHOO HOO!  :) It feels good to be rejuvenated from my trip and ready to try, try, again. Most importantly I have faith that God is behind us with the addition of our family and with Him we can do all things..even those that seem a bit of a stretch at times. So if any of you feel like you want to be one of the 30 people that can conjure up 10 of your closest friends/family to each help us donate $18..please contact me and we will get started.  We will continue to add whatever extra I make to the pot as well as me calling local businesses to try and do chair massage and possibly even have a few ideas from Todd's side of things! ( Oooo the plot thickens!)

The best part is that this "plan" gives me something to focus on when most of the actual adoption process feels out of my hands at the moment.  And that alone, makes the time feel productive and beneficial..and I'm secure that eventually we will get there..baby in tow! ;)

ROAD TRIP!!!

Knee deep in adoption thoughts and fundraising, me and the girls (Nia, Elise, Emory and my mom) decided to switch gears for the week and take a trip back to my old hometown in Nebraska, to visit with my best friend's parents.  My best friend, Janet, is flying in tomorrow from D.C. and I'm so excited to get to spend a few days doing nothing but having a few great conversations, eating caramel rolls (hand-made by her mom, Ella), and laughing until we can't breathe.

So what makes this trip out of the ordinary?  Well, it's one of the first times my girls will remember going to Nebraska...they were so young when I went a few years ago and it's where I grew up, so I want to share it with them now that my parents no longer live there.  But also because my best friend's parents come from India and it's a great time to celebrate their culture and eat amazing indian food and create childhood memories that will become as important to my kids as those memories are for me.

Just yesterday, I was in Dillards picking up something and the saleswoman made a comment about my 3 girls and I mentioned that we are anxiously awaiting the arrival our 4th daughter from India as well and she asked, "oh! are these all yours then?" pointing to the three blondies quickly spreading out across the store..I, slightly irritated but understanding it probably is coming from mere curiosity, say yes, these are my biological children. She had a confused look on her face and continued with her questions, attempting to find out why we would "choose adoption when we can have our own?" and I told her about our trip to Nebraska today and explained the "family" we are going to see there is the main reason we chose adoption.

For those of you that know us well, you know my best friend or at least know OF her if you have never met her. Janet and I met in 8th grade when her family moved to my town and we were inseparable until the day we graduated h.s.  By college, our parents had become close friends and they no longer needed us as a reason to get together, and our families moved past just being friends into being more like family.  Janet and I attended two different colleges but always picked up where we left off when we'd get together. In 2000, Janet and I went to Gujarat, India together for her to study her parent's language and for us to explore India a bit and it was here that I discovered that adoption would be something that I would want to do someday. 

So when it came to naming our daughter, we decided on Lillian for our newest daughter's name...this being Janet's middle name, we thought it to be a perfect way to honor our friendship as well as being classic and elegant. It was only after sharing our chosen name with Janet's mom (my second mother) that she asked me if I knew why they named their daughter Janet Lillian. I thought at this point, I knew everything about their family, but this was one story that escaped me.  I knew that Sam (janet's dad) was a methodist minister, and his father was found in a village in India by missionaries and eventually he came to the U.S. and got a theology degree and therefore Sam was given the chance to follow in his father's footsteps.  When Sam and Ella moved to the states, they got married and decided to raise their family "americanized". They said they wanted to name their children with American names and I assumed "Lillian" was just a name they liked when Janet was born, picked at random. Bear with me...this is the interesting part of the story ;) :  Apparently my assumptions were wrong as Janet was named after her father Sam's grandmother who grew up in an orphanage in India, run by a progressive lady who converted to Christianity before starting the orphanage. This was in the late 1800's and Christianity in a predominately Hindu society was rare, so I was more than shocked to discover Janet's great-grandma was given an English/Christian name when she arrived at this orphanage, hence the name "Lillian".  Unbeknownst to us, we have named our daughter simultaneously after my best friend and also after a woman who got the same start as our Lillian did. We have no doubt this is the right name for her and are so excited to be able to have this story to share that will connect her to her family in India as well as her family in the U.S.  :)

And I realize this post was probably long enough for two separate entries... so thanks for being patient!  We are so looking forward to a little "girl time" in Nebraska!  See you in a few days after too little sleep and too much food and just the right amount of fun!

Nose To The Grindstone...

I realized that I haven't written anything "bloggy" lately...mainly because there was nothing to report on the adoption front until now and also because summer has caught us up (as it does so many others) in the craziness of everyday life. But here I am to remind myself and everyone else, that we are indeed still in the adoption process and it's time to get serious once again about all things "adoption"!

Money..always can use it, never have enough of it, and your thirst for more rarely subsides.  Most think adoptions are fueled by love and compassion and want for family and while this is all very true..the tank of the adoption is $.  (not so poetic as love and compassion...I know... but a necessary componate). Our adoption "tank" these days is a little on the low side unfortunately and we recently found out Todd's job was no longer willing to offer adoption benefits like we had expected so it put things again into perspective. Discovering we had up to this point exhausted all our financial resources, we decided to brainstorm a bit on how we were going to come up with the looming $6000 that we knew was going to be needed very very soon.  I asked clients, I asked friends, I even posted on facebook asking for ideas to raise money and fast.  While the ideas ranged from selling lip balm to donuts and everything in between...a constant thought kept nagging at me. "Alarie, you can raise more money massaging people than selling baked goods for a weekend or hosting a garage sale..." I suppose the light either came on entirely at that moment or at the very least got brighter! ;)  So it was settled. The entire month of August would be dedicated to raising that final $6000, and every massage I did would go directly towards our adoption. NO ifs, ands or but I want custard after church....

For the first time I feel like I am contributing towards our goal personally. I am doing everything I can think of to get our baby home..and it feels fantastic!!! God gave me a talent for a reason, and it is so nice to use my talent as an occupation...and I feel blessed..but to be able to use my talent to raise the money for our adoption while in my occupation, well...it just makes perfect sense! "Whatever your hand finds to do, do with all your might..." Eccl 9:10

I look forward to the month of August more than any other month so far...I have my mind focused on helping people heal and a honest heart that we will be able to raise what we need.  Most importantly, in a process where one is constantly reminded that "YOU are NOT in control of the situation"..it just gives me something to do to help me to not remember there is really nothing I can do! :) 

On the Adoption front: expect delays. Lots and lots of delays. Todd is a constant in my life and the most (annoyingly) wonderful person (who I know is right) when he kindly reminds me that this is all in "God's hands anyway" and there is no reason to worry about the delays because our daughter will come to us when it's the right time. And yes I know he is right...again.  But, why is that the last thing you want to hear..particularly when you just want to cry that delays are your least favorite part of this process and throw your tantrum and get it out of your system a bit? Most of the time I just stand there in front of him with my jaw wide open wondering, "HOW DOES HE DO THAT? HOW DOES HE JUST SHUT IT OFF AND STAY FOCUSED?!" :) I am so glad I got him through this (believe me!). He keeps me grounded and logical when all I want to be is passionate and (right brained) emotional.  We make a great team. 

Well wish us luck in the fundraising efforts!  We are very excited and ready to finish the final lap of the money part. (Travel costs are excluded from this as they are not paid directly to the agency but more of something we will do on our own when the time comes.) It has been a busy summer but I predict to be even busier over the following months as we switch gears back towards adoption once again.  :)