Putting Relaxation To Work

Just returned from day 1 of a little chair massage at a local advertising company to promote adoption awareness, as well as do a bit of fundraising. It went fantastic and I'm looking forward to a little more "R&R" tomorrow. The people were great and very encouraging about adoption. I even met one girl who is herself an adoptee from Korea and what an awesome opportunity to speak one on one with someone that can share a bit of perspective of what it was like to grow up in a similar situation as we foresee our Lilian experiencing one day.  I'm continually impressed with the people in our area...we have diversity as well as lots of families that are "pro-adoption" and particularly pro INTERNATIONAL adoption.  It's exciting to be a part of a community like this. 

In further great news, I received a call after the fundraising job from a woman who works with a grant organization that we are hoping to hear some great news from anyday now. She had a few more questions to ask us but was pretty positive that we should be awarded some sort of grant before the holidays! (whoo hoo!!!) The only thing left to be decided would be the amount, so prayers please!!! At a time when most everything "adoption" is up in the air, it would be a god send to have this particular facet of the adoption no longer a concern.  We would naturally be grateful for ANY amount as this is not something we have ever been able to do by ourselves, so we feel very blessed at the moment for opportunities to work and gifts we've received too. 

Lastly, I need to commend a local and very talented woman we love for taking it upon herself to create and hand paint clay monsters to raise money for our adoption. I was floored the first time she handed me a wad of cash and told me what she's been up to!  :)  They are beyond unique and we have 4 (one for each of our girls) that we got awhile back and LOVE them.  If anyone is local and interested in getting their hands on one, you can go and meet the owner of the store (and clay monster extraordinaire!), Betty Morris @

Avalon Nutrition & Indian Food

(479) 582-9158
1388 N College Ave, Fayetteville, AR 72703

Enjoy the holidays and be safe! Every day we are one day closer to bringing home our daughter! :)

Patience is a Virtue indeed

 We have heard news today about the delays going on in India.  They seem to be continuing with no clear end in sight. I had hoped that any day we would have the great news that babies were being matched to families again and we were up next! I guess that was a bit unrealistic on my part but once you have an idea in your head of how this adoption is supposed to go, well it's a bit hard to shake! (I feel there might be a lesson I'm supposed to be learning here but can't seem to place my finger on it...something about "THY will not MY will be done?" haha)

 Our director of the India program mentioned in her letter today that India is implementing some changes to their guidelines on adoption and should be releasing those changes in the next couple of months. One of the changes that will take place is that there will be extra documentation that is required of adoptive families after we accept our match with a baby.  Another change is in how a child is cleared for domestic and international adoption.  This change will determine when a baby is ok'd to be adopted and therefore offered to a family that is waiting for a match with a child.  This would be the part that would affect us the most since we have not been matched with a baby yet.  Once the referral is accepted, it appears that the delays will continue making each step of this process a bit longer to complete than it used to, at least temporarily so.  Currently, the families that have been already matched with a child are having delays of their own and until they can pick up their babies and come home, there will be no room for any additional babies at the orphanage to come in. 

Not sure what to feel about all of this really.  At first I'm disappointed...naturally.  We had originally thought by this point we would not only be matched with our daughter but looking forward to traveling sometime end of spring of next year to bring her home.  Now it is all up in the air. I have no estimated time frame and at this point am not sure if we will be traveling next year at all.  At the same time I feel conflicted as God has been driving this adoption from the beginning and I can't lose sight of how He has a view that I don't have.  So I am continuing to be patient.  There is nothing on my end that can be done to bring things together any sooner than they will be and this does allow us more time to gather finances together so that when things start moving again, we will be ready!   (see... now I'm climbing back up on my perch of optimism!) 

This is the news. It is something, at least to gain a bit of perspective from.  So now what?  I suppose what's left is to settle in and enjoy the enriched life we already have rolling and see who around us could use a bit of encouragement and help as a much needed distraction from our stalled progress.  Time spent waiting for something to happen is not always wasted but can be the most worthwhile time ever spent in the end.  We will continue to appreciate everyday as we have been given and when the time comes, we will be very thankful and thrilled to welcome another daughter into our family!


"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope"  ~Alexandre Dumas Pere

SO THANKFUL!!

YAY! We found out yesterday that we were chosen to be awarded a $1000 grant from the Titus Task Foundation.  I feel so overwhelmed with joy!  This foundation is run by the Tugwell family and they offer one grant a year to one family in the NWA area and we are it! :) At this point we are putting most of our eggs in the "hoping to get a grant" basket to complete the rest of our adoption.  We have been so blessed to have made $1800 in fundraising and donations since August and we still have one more grant we are waiting to hear back about by the end of the month.  I am prayerful and hopeful that we will continue on with this adoption even despite the hurdles we seem to always have in front of us.  There are times it feels that this may never come to be real but on days like today, you see that it can be possible once again!  The comfort from not having much in the way of news is that you remind yourself from other trials you have gone through that God will see you through, no matter what outcome that entails.  On days it feels impossible, you tell yourself that perhaps the whole point is to go on the journey and use the tools that he has given and to sharpen your character and maybe that is enough. 

In India, things continue to be slow moving. Our India director is getting back today from a trip to India and I'm hopeful that she brings good news on the progress over there.  I imagine the face of our daughter daily and am prayerful that we will still be able to bring her home by the summer of next year. I think of those in front of us on the waiting list or waiting to pick up their child and know that they too wait along with us and are equally hopeful for good news. In the meantime, we rejoice in the kindness of the Tugwell family for establishing a grant encouraging people in our area to be able to adopt and for educating people on the many ways we come to be "family".  I feel thankful to live in an area that is "pro-adoption" and excited that more and more people are opening their minds and hearts to adoption.     

You can go to www.thetitustask.com to learn more about this Northwest Arkansas adoption grant opportunity and learn about an amazing family's journey to adoption and how they came to give other families the chance to build their family as well through their organization. 

On a quick side note: I want to congratulate a good friend of mine, Charla, for the recent birth of their daughter Emeline. Emelines birth mom, Nikohl, did fantastic and I am amazed at her strength and love for her children.  I feel blessed to know both of these women and to be able to see this relationship bloom between them. Emeline will never be without love in this world!  God is good!

all is quiet on the home front

Nothing new to report here. Everything with India is on temporary hold until the month of October ends. So things will be a little quiet for another couple of weeks at least as far as our adoption is concerned.  However, as luck would have it (or God for that matter), I went ahead and had a little surgery done last week since we had nothing better to do (haha!) and am recovering nicely.  Don't worry, nothing major..just bilateral hernia surgery, a varicose vein stripped and abdominal tear repair...(I'm a little like humpty dumpty right now...but they were quite lovely pregnancy battle scars I suppose!) sounds fun huh?! I will be out for at least 6 weeks from work and in bed for one more if not two more weeks..ugh. My mom is here (she rocks!) for the first two and Todd will be off for week 3, along with meals from church being brought in that week so we will be FINE! It was a "now or never" type of thing where we knew eventually our number would be called up to go pick up our daughter from India and since we couldn't pinpoint when and we knew I'd need a month and a half recovery for this..well, here we are! I'm happy to have it over with. The month leading up to it I was dragging my feet wondering daily if I'd cancel or actually go through with it.  I believe it's a blessing that we had it during a month that adoption-wise things are a bit more calm.  And I will be a stronger, healthier version of myself when I am back to being me again..so yay all around. Currently, I am feeling slightly spoiled as mom and girls and husband are all at my beck and call.  A girl could get used to this! :)  However, you know it's funny when you start to fantasize about what it will be like to cook for your family again instead of a the typical "if only I had an hour to myself' daydream us busy women normally have..I guess the break has been nice but I'm ready to be back on my feet once again.  Hope this finds you all doing well!  Enjoy your weekend!

This and That

A fellow adoptive mom passed this info to me and so I thought in turn I'd pass it along to anyone that has adopted recently (or thinking ahead for when they do complete the adoption) and wishing they had professional pictures to capture the moment but not wanting to add another financial straw to the camel's back. Really neat that you can get pro-bono photography from some of your areas best photographers...at least most of the ones I saw for my area were good...and includes a free sitting fee and proofs.  As long as you do it in the year after you adopt, you should have no problems.  So check it out! Yay! for kind hearted business professionals! Makes me think of an idea for my own business...

http://www.celebratingadoption.org


Then for those of you in the NW Arkansas area who are past the home study process and looking for grants available (or for those that are just interested in a very moving story of the couple who set this foundation up based on their own adoption) then check out The Titus Task Foundation. If you are interested in helping out the foundation to raise money so they can keep the grant alive AND wanting to race in their fundraiser, there is one on Oct 16th out of Siloam Springs....it would HAVE to be the day after I am having hernia surgery naturally, but next year the good ol' Crooks family is there!

http://www.thetitustask.com/2010-titus-task-race-day---get-registered.html


On a funny side note, an awesome graphic designer who does my business logo and cards,  put together and donated these business cards that say our blog site address (bandofcrooks.blogspot.com) on one side and "Donate To Bring Our Baby Home" on the other. I love them and they are great for handing to people interested in following along with our adoption story as well as raising awareness for adoption in general. Friends have left them at schools, dr. offices, and hair salons as well as restaurants and just kept them for themselves. It was only recently that I realized that most of the people that pick up a card do not have any idea of who we are nor does it explain on the cards that "Crooks" is our last name...which means these random folks have no idea why our blog site is humorously titled "bandofcrooks" nor why they are prodded to "donate to our adoption" via these cards we hand out...they are instead left thinking A) "is this some kind of joke?" or B), "why would I donate to a bunch of crooks that will take our money and run!" Hahahahaha! Irony is hilarious isn't it! :)  We have had a really good laugh at imagining what people must initially be thinking...on the flip side, it has to get some people REALLY curious as to what is going on and maybe they come and take a look for themselves which is exactly the point in the first place.

AWESOME opportunity!

Did I ever mention that I LOVE my job?! well I may not have mentioned it in the last hour...:)

Today I had an awesome opportunity to work on a birthmom.  Some friends of mine who are adopting (very soon) had me do a pregnancy massage on the birthmom of the baby girl they are anxiously awaiting being born..it was SO neat!  Just an amazing chance to relax both mom, birthmom and baby all at once and I couldn't help but think of Lilian throughout!

I wish so often that I would get the chance to meet Lilian's birth mom one day, particularly if that is something she longs for as she grows up. I imagined what it must feel like to have questions and be able to call up the birthmom and just ask outright.  I wished I could massage away the tension and anxiety of our birthmom like I was blessed to be able to do today for someone else's.  And it was really insightful to get to talk openly with this woman about her decision to place the baby she is carrying for into the homes and arms of this wonderful couple..I admired her decision and strength of character. Her love for this child was evident, as was the love for her other children she had chosen to continue to parent.  She wore tatoos of their names like badges of honor upon her skin, she was proud to be a mother and wanted nothing more than to be a good one to the children she was raising. This made her decision to adopt so profound. It was out of LOVE.

When I think about Lilians' birthmom, I imagine her in a similar decision..knowing how much she already loves the children she has had (I assume she has had any prior) and wishing the situation was different and that she could raise another child and they all be better for it.  I imagine her decision is not based on a belief that she wouldn't be ABLE to parent this baby had the circumstances allowed, but rather it comes from knowing she had limitations that did not make it possible for her to be as good of a parent as her child deserved.  So out of love for this little person growing inside her, she vows to do right by the baby and offer her a fair chance at a full life.  Then she looks at the children she has already and decides out of love that they deserve her undivided attention and she knows without hesitation that she is at full capacity already with the children she is raising and can take on no more.  And adoption is born! 

I am in awe of these women!  They are seeing beyond their feelings and looking into the eyes of their children and doing what is best. I would like to think in that situation I would make the same choice, but it demands a sharp mind and character that I'm not so sure I would posess being put to the test...particularly now that I have children.  I believe for me, selfishness gets in the way and clouds my judgement at even the thought of having to make a choice similar to this.  So because it is a decision I am not sure I could make, even when it's the best for my child...I am just overwhelmed with appreciation for the ones that are stronger than I  imagine I would be and they make it despite how painful initially it might be to do so.  I am thankful for the experience I had today!  I can't wait until I get to tell Lilian that her becoming part of our family was based on this amazing love for her coming from both directions.  And as for my friend and the birthmom I got an opportunity to meet, I send prayers that their baby continues to grow in health and that they continue to nurture their relationship over the years. It's just such a special relationship and I'm so excited for them!  :)

Switching Gears

Sometimes, when you realize there is nothing you can do..you feel compelled to give in to the unavoidable and go with it...and this is such a time.  There has been continuing delays since June in India with the adoption process.  Currently there stands for us to have an additional, unexpected delay of up to 2-3 months. Here is the generalized breakdown for those interested. 

The ACA is the agency in India that up until now is responsible for approving the paperwork of babies who have been relinquished (in other words, their moms have come in and signed them over to an orphanage as opposed to just abandoning them).  The ACA in the past has been the agency that is responsible for approving our referrals. (referrals are in essence "when you find out who your baby is" and the first time we hear about our daughter with her medical info and picture, etc.), however since June the ACA have not been able to renew their license with India's government, so the agency in India who is in charge of adoptions (CARA) has declared that all referrals can now come through another agency called the CWC (they usually deal with abandoned orphans only).  We knew this might be a possibility when the ACA was taking too long to renew their license back in June. What we DIDN'T know was that there were going to be extra delays on top of the expected ones.

As it stands now the couples who have been matched with a child already in May-June with the ACA, are now having to go back and be re-referred through the new organization, the CWC. What that means for them is they cannot go on to get their NOC (no objection certificate) until they are re-approved through this other agency, which looks like it can take up to an additional 2-3 months. What that means for us is that instead of receiving our referral by the end of Sept like we had wished from the beginning, we will have to wait until all the people in front of us who have received referrals back in May and June, go back to the different organization (the CWC) and get approved again before the CWC will issue any NEW referrals for people like us. 

IN Short that means we will be waiting for some time until we get matched with a baby. :(  Not what we were expecting at all.  We are disheartened a bit. In October, everything in India, (including adoption) comes to a halt for the entire month due to holiday, so we will not hear anything new until November at the earliest if we have not heard anything by the end of Sept.  My question is, "What about the babies who were 6 months in June..they are now 8 months old and if it's taking 4-7 months to pick them up ..or longer..how old with our daughter be when we bring her home?"  When we first signed up the estimate was 10 months-14 months old.  With an average baby being 12 months by the time they joined your family. My concern is the attachment process being more difficult the older she becomes before we bring her home, but there are a lot of factors that would affect that, not merely her age.  At this point, it is uncertain how everything will pan out so I am left with hope and prayers for patience.

I'm definitely leaning on God these days to take the burden away of not being able to do anything to change the situation. I'm having to put my own selfish wants of bringing our daughter home NOW aside, and learn to accept (yet again) that God truly is in control and wants the best possible outcome for our family.  It's not been easy to stick with this 'master plan' but it is a lesson that is good for us and reminds us that we are just tools God uses to accomplish His plan. 

The good news is we have more time to gather the money we will need to accomplish the rest of our adoption.  We have applied for two grants over the week and are VERy hopeful that these are one of the avenues that we are supposed to be taking to get the money together that we are lacking.  If not, I'm confident it will come in another way.  Not to mention, in Oct I am needing to have hernia surgery to fix the hernias I developed while I was pregnant with my first biological daughter...which puts me out of work for at least 6 weeks, so we are needing to switch gears a bit.  The truth is, that lately it has appeared to be POURING...(you know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"! ). It is all I can do to concentrate on one thing at a time.  So I am actually very much looking forward to a break at work and some (forced) time off to recover long before we travel to India.  These are all Good things..just not in the way I anticipated things unfolding at this point in the process. :) 

Well I will be happy to continue to update my blog with new information as it becomes available. I pray for those that are further in the process than we are and instead of going forward are having to backtrack. I can't imagine having a picture of your child and then having additional delays that restrict your being able to go and hold them for the first time. I find myself wishing to be beyond this part of the process so often.  I long for the day we bring her back to belong to us and think nothing of the paper chase or lengthy delays that have become second nature at this point.  I look forward to just being a family. 

In the meantime, I will continue to have my friends and family who are super supportive encourage me and I will be ever thankful for what God has blessed us with. My favorite time of year (fall) is right around the corner and despite my up and coming surgery, I vow to enjoy every second of it the best I can!" Enjoy the holiday weekend with your friends and/or family and know that even though everything seems so uncertain now, God has the ability to change anything He wants and it could happen tomorrow..so be prepared! :) 


Happy Labor Day!