Putting Relaxation To Work

Just returned from day 1 of a little chair massage at a local advertising company to promote adoption awareness, as well as do a bit of fundraising. It went fantastic and I'm looking forward to a little more "R&R" tomorrow. The people were great and very encouraging about adoption. I even met one girl who is herself an adoptee from Korea and what an awesome opportunity to speak one on one with someone that can share a bit of perspective of what it was like to grow up in a similar situation as we foresee our Lilian experiencing one day.  I'm continually impressed with the people in our area...we have diversity as well as lots of families that are "pro-adoption" and particularly pro INTERNATIONAL adoption.  It's exciting to be a part of a community like this. 

In further great news, I received a call after the fundraising job from a woman who works with a grant organization that we are hoping to hear some great news from anyday now. She had a few more questions to ask us but was pretty positive that we should be awarded some sort of grant before the holidays! (whoo hoo!!!) The only thing left to be decided would be the amount, so prayers please!!! At a time when most everything "adoption" is up in the air, it would be a god send to have this particular facet of the adoption no longer a concern.  We would naturally be grateful for ANY amount as this is not something we have ever been able to do by ourselves, so we feel very blessed at the moment for opportunities to work and gifts we've received too. 

Lastly, I need to commend a local and very talented woman we love for taking it upon herself to create and hand paint clay monsters to raise money for our adoption. I was floored the first time she handed me a wad of cash and told me what she's been up to!  :)  They are beyond unique and we have 4 (one for each of our girls) that we got awhile back and LOVE them.  If anyone is local and interested in getting their hands on one, you can go and meet the owner of the store (and clay monster extraordinaire!), Betty Morris @

Avalon Nutrition & Indian Food

(479) 582-9158
1388 N College Ave, Fayetteville, AR 72703

Enjoy the holidays and be safe! Every day we are one day closer to bringing home our daughter! :)

Patience is a Virtue indeed

 We have heard news today about the delays going on in India.  They seem to be continuing with no clear end in sight. I had hoped that any day we would have the great news that babies were being matched to families again and we were up next! I guess that was a bit unrealistic on my part but once you have an idea in your head of how this adoption is supposed to go, well it's a bit hard to shake! (I feel there might be a lesson I'm supposed to be learning here but can't seem to place my finger on it...something about "THY will not MY will be done?" haha)

 Our director of the India program mentioned in her letter today that India is implementing some changes to their guidelines on adoption and should be releasing those changes in the next couple of months. One of the changes that will take place is that there will be extra documentation that is required of adoptive families after we accept our match with a baby.  Another change is in how a child is cleared for domestic and international adoption.  This change will determine when a baby is ok'd to be adopted and therefore offered to a family that is waiting for a match with a child.  This would be the part that would affect us the most since we have not been matched with a baby yet.  Once the referral is accepted, it appears that the delays will continue making each step of this process a bit longer to complete than it used to, at least temporarily so.  Currently, the families that have been already matched with a child are having delays of their own and until they can pick up their babies and come home, there will be no room for any additional babies at the orphanage to come in. 

Not sure what to feel about all of this really.  At first I'm disappointed...naturally.  We had originally thought by this point we would not only be matched with our daughter but looking forward to traveling sometime end of spring of next year to bring her home.  Now it is all up in the air. I have no estimated time frame and at this point am not sure if we will be traveling next year at all.  At the same time I feel conflicted as God has been driving this adoption from the beginning and I can't lose sight of how He has a view that I don't have.  So I am continuing to be patient.  There is nothing on my end that can be done to bring things together any sooner than they will be and this does allow us more time to gather finances together so that when things start moving again, we will be ready!   (see... now I'm climbing back up on my perch of optimism!) 

This is the news. It is something, at least to gain a bit of perspective from.  So now what?  I suppose what's left is to settle in and enjoy the enriched life we already have rolling and see who around us could use a bit of encouragement and help as a much needed distraction from our stalled progress.  Time spent waiting for something to happen is not always wasted but can be the most worthwhile time ever spent in the end.  We will continue to appreciate everyday as we have been given and when the time comes, we will be very thankful and thrilled to welcome another daughter into our family!


"All human wisdom is summed up in two words - wait and hope"  ~Alexandre Dumas Pere

SO THANKFUL!!

YAY! We found out yesterday that we were chosen to be awarded a $1000 grant from the Titus Task Foundation.  I feel so overwhelmed with joy!  This foundation is run by the Tugwell family and they offer one grant a year to one family in the NWA area and we are it! :) At this point we are putting most of our eggs in the "hoping to get a grant" basket to complete the rest of our adoption.  We have been so blessed to have made $1800 in fundraising and donations since August and we still have one more grant we are waiting to hear back about by the end of the month.  I am prayerful and hopeful that we will continue on with this adoption even despite the hurdles we seem to always have in front of us.  There are times it feels that this may never come to be real but on days like today, you see that it can be possible once again!  The comfort from not having much in the way of news is that you remind yourself from other trials you have gone through that God will see you through, no matter what outcome that entails.  On days it feels impossible, you tell yourself that perhaps the whole point is to go on the journey and use the tools that he has given and to sharpen your character and maybe that is enough. 

In India, things continue to be slow moving. Our India director is getting back today from a trip to India and I'm hopeful that she brings good news on the progress over there.  I imagine the face of our daughter daily and am prayerful that we will still be able to bring her home by the summer of next year. I think of those in front of us on the waiting list or waiting to pick up their child and know that they too wait along with us and are equally hopeful for good news. In the meantime, we rejoice in the kindness of the Tugwell family for establishing a grant encouraging people in our area to be able to adopt and for educating people on the many ways we come to be "family".  I feel thankful to live in an area that is "pro-adoption" and excited that more and more people are opening their minds and hearts to adoption.     

You can go to www.thetitustask.com to learn more about this Northwest Arkansas adoption grant opportunity and learn about an amazing family's journey to adoption and how they came to give other families the chance to build their family as well through their organization. 

On a quick side note: I want to congratulate a good friend of mine, Charla, for the recent birth of their daughter Emeline. Emelines birth mom, Nikohl, did fantastic and I am amazed at her strength and love for her children.  I feel blessed to know both of these women and to be able to see this relationship bloom between them. Emeline will never be without love in this world!  God is good!

all is quiet on the home front

Nothing new to report here. Everything with India is on temporary hold until the month of October ends. So things will be a little quiet for another couple of weeks at least as far as our adoption is concerned.  However, as luck would have it (or God for that matter), I went ahead and had a little surgery done last week since we had nothing better to do (haha!) and am recovering nicely.  Don't worry, nothing major..just bilateral hernia surgery, a varicose vein stripped and abdominal tear repair...(I'm a little like humpty dumpty right now...but they were quite lovely pregnancy battle scars I suppose!) sounds fun huh?! I will be out for at least 6 weeks from work and in bed for one more if not two more weeks..ugh. My mom is here (she rocks!) for the first two and Todd will be off for week 3, along with meals from church being brought in that week so we will be FINE! It was a "now or never" type of thing where we knew eventually our number would be called up to go pick up our daughter from India and since we couldn't pinpoint when and we knew I'd need a month and a half recovery for this..well, here we are! I'm happy to have it over with. The month leading up to it I was dragging my feet wondering daily if I'd cancel or actually go through with it.  I believe it's a blessing that we had it during a month that adoption-wise things are a bit more calm.  And I will be a stronger, healthier version of myself when I am back to being me again..so yay all around. Currently, I am feeling slightly spoiled as mom and girls and husband are all at my beck and call.  A girl could get used to this! :)  However, you know it's funny when you start to fantasize about what it will be like to cook for your family again instead of a the typical "if only I had an hour to myself' daydream us busy women normally have..I guess the break has been nice but I'm ready to be back on my feet once again.  Hope this finds you all doing well!  Enjoy your weekend!

This and That

A fellow adoptive mom passed this info to me and so I thought in turn I'd pass it along to anyone that has adopted recently (or thinking ahead for when they do complete the adoption) and wishing they had professional pictures to capture the moment but not wanting to add another financial straw to the camel's back. Really neat that you can get pro-bono photography from some of your areas best photographers...at least most of the ones I saw for my area were good...and includes a free sitting fee and proofs.  As long as you do it in the year after you adopt, you should have no problems.  So check it out! Yay! for kind hearted business professionals! Makes me think of an idea for my own business...

http://www.celebratingadoption.org


Then for those of you in the NW Arkansas area who are past the home study process and looking for grants available (or for those that are just interested in a very moving story of the couple who set this foundation up based on their own adoption) then check out The Titus Task Foundation. If you are interested in helping out the foundation to raise money so they can keep the grant alive AND wanting to race in their fundraiser, there is one on Oct 16th out of Siloam Springs....it would HAVE to be the day after I am having hernia surgery naturally, but next year the good ol' Crooks family is there!

http://www.thetitustask.com/2010-titus-task-race-day---get-registered.html


On a funny side note, an awesome graphic designer who does my business logo and cards,  put together and donated these business cards that say our blog site address (bandofcrooks.blogspot.com) on one side and "Donate To Bring Our Baby Home" on the other. I love them and they are great for handing to people interested in following along with our adoption story as well as raising awareness for adoption in general. Friends have left them at schools, dr. offices, and hair salons as well as restaurants and just kept them for themselves. It was only recently that I realized that most of the people that pick up a card do not have any idea of who we are nor does it explain on the cards that "Crooks" is our last name...which means these random folks have no idea why our blog site is humorously titled "bandofcrooks" nor why they are prodded to "donate to our adoption" via these cards we hand out...they are instead left thinking A) "is this some kind of joke?" or B), "why would I donate to a bunch of crooks that will take our money and run!" Hahahahaha! Irony is hilarious isn't it! :)  We have had a really good laugh at imagining what people must initially be thinking...on the flip side, it has to get some people REALLY curious as to what is going on and maybe they come and take a look for themselves which is exactly the point in the first place.

AWESOME opportunity!

Did I ever mention that I LOVE my job?! well I may not have mentioned it in the last hour...:)

Today I had an awesome opportunity to work on a birthmom.  Some friends of mine who are adopting (very soon) had me do a pregnancy massage on the birthmom of the baby girl they are anxiously awaiting being born..it was SO neat!  Just an amazing chance to relax both mom, birthmom and baby all at once and I couldn't help but think of Lilian throughout!

I wish so often that I would get the chance to meet Lilian's birth mom one day, particularly if that is something she longs for as she grows up. I imagined what it must feel like to have questions and be able to call up the birthmom and just ask outright.  I wished I could massage away the tension and anxiety of our birthmom like I was blessed to be able to do today for someone else's.  And it was really insightful to get to talk openly with this woman about her decision to place the baby she is carrying for into the homes and arms of this wonderful couple..I admired her decision and strength of character. Her love for this child was evident, as was the love for her other children she had chosen to continue to parent.  She wore tatoos of their names like badges of honor upon her skin, she was proud to be a mother and wanted nothing more than to be a good one to the children she was raising. This made her decision to adopt so profound. It was out of LOVE.

When I think about Lilians' birthmom, I imagine her in a similar decision..knowing how much she already loves the children she has had (I assume she has had any prior) and wishing the situation was different and that she could raise another child and they all be better for it.  I imagine her decision is not based on a belief that she wouldn't be ABLE to parent this baby had the circumstances allowed, but rather it comes from knowing she had limitations that did not make it possible for her to be as good of a parent as her child deserved.  So out of love for this little person growing inside her, she vows to do right by the baby and offer her a fair chance at a full life.  Then she looks at the children she has already and decides out of love that they deserve her undivided attention and she knows without hesitation that she is at full capacity already with the children she is raising and can take on no more.  And adoption is born! 

I am in awe of these women!  They are seeing beyond their feelings and looking into the eyes of their children and doing what is best. I would like to think in that situation I would make the same choice, but it demands a sharp mind and character that I'm not so sure I would posess being put to the test...particularly now that I have children.  I believe for me, selfishness gets in the way and clouds my judgement at even the thought of having to make a choice similar to this.  So because it is a decision I am not sure I could make, even when it's the best for my child...I am just overwhelmed with appreciation for the ones that are stronger than I  imagine I would be and they make it despite how painful initially it might be to do so.  I am thankful for the experience I had today!  I can't wait until I get to tell Lilian that her becoming part of our family was based on this amazing love for her coming from both directions.  And as for my friend and the birthmom I got an opportunity to meet, I send prayers that their baby continues to grow in health and that they continue to nurture their relationship over the years. It's just such a special relationship and I'm so excited for them!  :)

Switching Gears

Sometimes, when you realize there is nothing you can do..you feel compelled to give in to the unavoidable and go with it...and this is such a time.  There has been continuing delays since June in India with the adoption process.  Currently there stands for us to have an additional, unexpected delay of up to 2-3 months. Here is the generalized breakdown for those interested. 

The ACA is the agency in India that up until now is responsible for approving the paperwork of babies who have been relinquished (in other words, their moms have come in and signed them over to an orphanage as opposed to just abandoning them).  The ACA in the past has been the agency that is responsible for approving our referrals. (referrals are in essence "when you find out who your baby is" and the first time we hear about our daughter with her medical info and picture, etc.), however since June the ACA have not been able to renew their license with India's government, so the agency in India who is in charge of adoptions (CARA) has declared that all referrals can now come through another agency called the CWC (they usually deal with abandoned orphans only).  We knew this might be a possibility when the ACA was taking too long to renew their license back in June. What we DIDN'T know was that there were going to be extra delays on top of the expected ones.

As it stands now the couples who have been matched with a child already in May-June with the ACA, are now having to go back and be re-referred through the new organization, the CWC. What that means for them is they cannot go on to get their NOC (no objection certificate) until they are re-approved through this other agency, which looks like it can take up to an additional 2-3 months. What that means for us is that instead of receiving our referral by the end of Sept like we had wished from the beginning, we will have to wait until all the people in front of us who have received referrals back in May and June, go back to the different organization (the CWC) and get approved again before the CWC will issue any NEW referrals for people like us. 

IN Short that means we will be waiting for some time until we get matched with a baby. :(  Not what we were expecting at all.  We are disheartened a bit. In October, everything in India, (including adoption) comes to a halt for the entire month due to holiday, so we will not hear anything new until November at the earliest if we have not heard anything by the end of Sept.  My question is, "What about the babies who were 6 months in June..they are now 8 months old and if it's taking 4-7 months to pick them up ..or longer..how old with our daughter be when we bring her home?"  When we first signed up the estimate was 10 months-14 months old.  With an average baby being 12 months by the time they joined your family. My concern is the attachment process being more difficult the older she becomes before we bring her home, but there are a lot of factors that would affect that, not merely her age.  At this point, it is uncertain how everything will pan out so I am left with hope and prayers for patience.

I'm definitely leaning on God these days to take the burden away of not being able to do anything to change the situation. I'm having to put my own selfish wants of bringing our daughter home NOW aside, and learn to accept (yet again) that God truly is in control and wants the best possible outcome for our family.  It's not been easy to stick with this 'master plan' but it is a lesson that is good for us and reminds us that we are just tools God uses to accomplish His plan. 

The good news is we have more time to gather the money we will need to accomplish the rest of our adoption.  We have applied for two grants over the week and are VERy hopeful that these are one of the avenues that we are supposed to be taking to get the money together that we are lacking.  If not, I'm confident it will come in another way.  Not to mention, in Oct I am needing to have hernia surgery to fix the hernias I developed while I was pregnant with my first biological daughter...which puts me out of work for at least 6 weeks, so we are needing to switch gears a bit.  The truth is, that lately it has appeared to be POURING...(you know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"! ). It is all I can do to concentrate on one thing at a time.  So I am actually very much looking forward to a break at work and some (forced) time off to recover long before we travel to India.  These are all Good things..just not in the way I anticipated things unfolding at this point in the process. :) 

Well I will be happy to continue to update my blog with new information as it becomes available. I pray for those that are further in the process than we are and instead of going forward are having to backtrack. I can't imagine having a picture of your child and then having additional delays that restrict your being able to go and hold them for the first time. I find myself wishing to be beyond this part of the process so often.  I long for the day we bring her back to belong to us and think nothing of the paper chase or lengthy delays that have become second nature at this point.  I look forward to just being a family. 

In the meantime, I will continue to have my friends and family who are super supportive encourage me and I will be ever thankful for what God has blessed us with. My favorite time of year (fall) is right around the corner and despite my up and coming surgery, I vow to enjoy every second of it the best I can!" Enjoy the holiday weekend with your friends and/or family and know that even though everything seems so uncertain now, God has the ability to change anything He wants and it could happen tomorrow..so be prepared! :) 


Happy Labor Day!

CROOKS FAMILY 2010

Good Clean Fun! :)

Where's Your Nose?!

Matriarch and Patriarch

We had my awesome friend Amber of Amber Lanning Photography outdo herself yet again on some of the most fun family pictures we have had done yet. I can't wait to redo them next year once we have the entire family together at last!  I am a big believer in putting pictures around the house to remind you of the blessings you have..however in our bedroom I make a rule to have only pictures of Todd and I as a couple..for good reason! :) I am off to get some much needed sleep and hope to provide an India update to those of you needing one...tomorrow.

A quick side note before sleep: I have been overwhelmed with the generosity that has been shown to us by complete strangers the past couple of days. We have received a few donations lately which we are more than appreciative for, and some have been from people we have never met...it's inspiring to see who God is using to bring Lili home and encouraging to us that we have support from the most unlikely sources. We are just so thankful tonight for the kindness of strangers! It reminds me of something my mom always said "We help those we can and never expect to be repaid. As you go through life, do what you can for those that you are able to help and remember the kindness that at one time was done to you." Pay it forward!

So a million thanks to those out there who have been so thoughtful to our cause. It will not be forgotten!

Nia's Family Portrait

I have a bright little girl who is 4 named Nia...she is almost 5 and will remind you when you ask her age.  She has a big heart and is always thinking of our baby Lili and asking questions about adoption. Lately, she has become quite the little artist and drew our family portrait a few months ago.  It's my favorite picture so far! She made wings on baby Lillian, since she is so far away, so that she may fly to us when we are to become her family.  It just made my day to share it with you!  :)

we put the FUN in fundraising!

A lot on the brain over the past week or so.  The road trip was great and it was awesome going home and visiting with family and the Indian food in particular that Ella (mom 2) made was fantastic. So excited about the connection that our daughters will all feel for Nebraska as they get older and also to India.

As far as fundraising for our adoption, it started out as a good idea to use everything I made going towards the adoption..but then we realized that after overhead costs and babysitting fees and bills, that I may help out with our budget at home more than I realized.  We definately put back as much as possible including any extras people would give as tips/donations, but we are still not making money as efficiently as I had thought I would have at this point.  Naturally, I'm happy to have any...but I'm left wondering what I can do to get the community to think donating even $5 is beneficial to achieving our goal.  (possibly people are assuming we are only looking for substantial donation amounts so they are not contributing, thinking their donation may be too small? or perhaps they don't know us and wonder where the money really will go? all understandable). 

So, it was time to put our heads together and think! We did a little brainstorming over the week I was out of town, and the family came up with some good fundraising ideas to reach our goal. Todd and I broke it down and decided we need $18 from 300 people to reach what we need to finish the agency part of the adoption. This should be the last sum we pay to the agency directly. Next year before we travel, our plane tickets and travel costs will cost another $5000 or so, but we have tax money we expect to pay for this, so it's not so immediate. 

300 people...giving $18 each..doesn't sound so bad..in fact that sounds obtainable even!!!

Now the wheels are turning.  My other mom, Ella, suggested to make that goal even easier, why not break it into 30 people in charge of getting $18 from 10 people.  Wow! Wonder why I hadn't thought of that before.... So now you have delegated it out to those closest to you that will approach the people closest to them with a suggestion that will probably be heard. No longer is a silent glass jar sitting there nagging people's conscience to donate to random strangers...instead you have "jane" asking "sally" to give her $18 to support "my childhood friend so and so who is in an adoption".  If someone I knew well asked me to donate under these pretenses..I would definately do it!  And it gives the one in charge of the 10 people they know, the option of breaking it into 20 people giving $6 instead. If that is easier to do and you have that many friends who aren't in a financial situation that is able to give the whole $18 then I say however you want to help reach the goal is great.  And if you wanted you could split the 10 people with your friend and each try to get 5 people to donate the $18 and meet back in a couple weeks and combine it. Looking to rasie the money we need all by myself, well it gets overwhelming. However, looking at it as a project that I can do alongside my friends makes it manageable. 

Finally, I have a plan that I see working. In addition to cards (business cards with our blogsite on them to hand out to interested people who want to know more about our cause) that my sweet girl Jen put together for me out of the goodness of her heart, I have a plan!! WHOO HOO!  :) It feels good to be rejuvenated from my trip and ready to try, try, again. Most importantly I have faith that God is behind us with the addition of our family and with Him we can do all things..even those that seem a bit of a stretch at times. So if any of you feel like you want to be one of the 30 people that can conjure up 10 of your closest friends/family to each help us donate $18..please contact me and we will get started.  We will continue to add whatever extra I make to the pot as well as me calling local businesses to try and do chair massage and possibly even have a few ideas from Todd's side of things! ( Oooo the plot thickens!)

The best part is that this "plan" gives me something to focus on when most of the actual adoption process feels out of my hands at the moment.  And that alone, makes the time feel productive and beneficial..and I'm secure that eventually we will get there..baby in tow! ;)

ROAD TRIP!!!

Knee deep in adoption thoughts and fundraising, me and the girls (Nia, Elise, Emory and my mom) decided to switch gears for the week and take a trip back to my old hometown in Nebraska, to visit with my best friend's parents.  My best friend, Janet, is flying in tomorrow from D.C. and I'm so excited to get to spend a few days doing nothing but having a few great conversations, eating caramel rolls (hand-made by her mom, Ella), and laughing until we can't breathe.

So what makes this trip out of the ordinary?  Well, it's one of the first times my girls will remember going to Nebraska...they were so young when I went a few years ago and it's where I grew up, so I want to share it with them now that my parents no longer live there.  But also because my best friend's parents come from India and it's a great time to celebrate their culture and eat amazing indian food and create childhood memories that will become as important to my kids as those memories are for me.

Just yesterday, I was in Dillards picking up something and the saleswoman made a comment about my 3 girls and I mentioned that we are anxiously awaiting the arrival our 4th daughter from India as well and she asked, "oh! are these all yours then?" pointing to the three blondies quickly spreading out across the store..I, slightly irritated but understanding it probably is coming from mere curiosity, say yes, these are my biological children. She had a confused look on her face and continued with her questions, attempting to find out why we would "choose adoption when we can have our own?" and I told her about our trip to Nebraska today and explained the "family" we are going to see there is the main reason we chose adoption.

For those of you that know us well, you know my best friend or at least know OF her if you have never met her. Janet and I met in 8th grade when her family moved to my town and we were inseparable until the day we graduated h.s.  By college, our parents had become close friends and they no longer needed us as a reason to get together, and our families moved past just being friends into being more like family.  Janet and I attended two different colleges but always picked up where we left off when we'd get together. In 2000, Janet and I went to Gujarat, India together for her to study her parent's language and for us to explore India a bit and it was here that I discovered that adoption would be something that I would want to do someday. 

So when it came to naming our daughter, we decided on Lillian for our newest daughter's name...this being Janet's middle name, we thought it to be a perfect way to honor our friendship as well as being classic and elegant. It was only after sharing our chosen name with Janet's mom (my second mother) that she asked me if I knew why they named their daughter Janet Lillian. I thought at this point, I knew everything about their family, but this was one story that escaped me.  I knew that Sam (janet's dad) was a methodist minister, and his father was found in a village in India by missionaries and eventually he came to the U.S. and got a theology degree and therefore Sam was given the chance to follow in his father's footsteps.  When Sam and Ella moved to the states, they got married and decided to raise their family "americanized". They said they wanted to name their children with American names and I assumed "Lillian" was just a name they liked when Janet was born, picked at random. Bear with me...this is the interesting part of the story ;) :  Apparently my assumptions were wrong as Janet was named after her father Sam's grandmother who grew up in an orphanage in India, run by a progressive lady who converted to Christianity before starting the orphanage. This was in the late 1800's and Christianity in a predominately Hindu society was rare, so I was more than shocked to discover Janet's great-grandma was given an English/Christian name when she arrived at this orphanage, hence the name "Lillian".  Unbeknownst to us, we have named our daughter simultaneously after my best friend and also after a woman who got the same start as our Lillian did. We have no doubt this is the right name for her and are so excited to be able to have this story to share that will connect her to her family in India as well as her family in the U.S.  :)

And I realize this post was probably long enough for two separate entries... so thanks for being patient!  We are so looking forward to a little "girl time" in Nebraska!  See you in a few days after too little sleep and too much food and just the right amount of fun!

Nose To The Grindstone...

I realized that I haven't written anything "bloggy" lately...mainly because there was nothing to report on the adoption front until now and also because summer has caught us up (as it does so many others) in the craziness of everyday life. But here I am to remind myself and everyone else, that we are indeed still in the adoption process and it's time to get serious once again about all things "adoption"!

Money..always can use it, never have enough of it, and your thirst for more rarely subsides.  Most think adoptions are fueled by love and compassion and want for family and while this is all very true..the tank of the adoption is $.  (not so poetic as love and compassion...I know... but a necessary componate). Our adoption "tank" these days is a little on the low side unfortunately and we recently found out Todd's job was no longer willing to offer adoption benefits like we had expected so it put things again into perspective. Discovering we had up to this point exhausted all our financial resources, we decided to brainstorm a bit on how we were going to come up with the looming $6000 that we knew was going to be needed very very soon.  I asked clients, I asked friends, I even posted on facebook asking for ideas to raise money and fast.  While the ideas ranged from selling lip balm to donuts and everything in between...a constant thought kept nagging at me. "Alarie, you can raise more money massaging people than selling baked goods for a weekend or hosting a garage sale..." I suppose the light either came on entirely at that moment or at the very least got brighter! ;)  So it was settled. The entire month of August would be dedicated to raising that final $6000, and every massage I did would go directly towards our adoption. NO ifs, ands or but I want custard after church....

For the first time I feel like I am contributing towards our goal personally. I am doing everything I can think of to get our baby home..and it feels fantastic!!! God gave me a talent for a reason, and it is so nice to use my talent as an occupation...and I feel blessed..but to be able to use my talent to raise the money for our adoption while in my occupation, well...it just makes perfect sense! "Whatever your hand finds to do, do with all your might..." Eccl 9:10

I look forward to the month of August more than any other month so far...I have my mind focused on helping people heal and a honest heart that we will be able to raise what we need.  Most importantly, in a process where one is constantly reminded that "YOU are NOT in control of the situation"..it just gives me something to do to help me to not remember there is really nothing I can do! :) 

On the Adoption front: expect delays. Lots and lots of delays. Todd is a constant in my life and the most (annoyingly) wonderful person (who I know is right) when he kindly reminds me that this is all in "God's hands anyway" and there is no reason to worry about the delays because our daughter will come to us when it's the right time. And yes I know he is right...again.  But, why is that the last thing you want to hear..particularly when you just want to cry that delays are your least favorite part of this process and throw your tantrum and get it out of your system a bit? Most of the time I just stand there in front of him with my jaw wide open wondering, "HOW DOES HE DO THAT? HOW DOES HE JUST SHUT IT OFF AND STAY FOCUSED?!" :) I am so glad I got him through this (believe me!). He keeps me grounded and logical when all I want to be is passionate and (right brained) emotional.  We make a great team. 

Well wish us luck in the fundraising efforts!  We are very excited and ready to finish the final lap of the money part. (Travel costs are excluded from this as they are not paid directly to the agency but more of something we will do on our own when the time comes.) It has been a busy summer but I predict to be even busier over the following months as we switch gears back towards adoption once again.  :)

And then there were 3...

We heard from Tami, the India program director, this afternoon with an update on our current status. We are now at #3 on the waiting list for a referral. From #5 to #3..how quickly the process seems like it's moving.  I suppose we did most of our waiting before we got onto the list but it feels like we are in motion for the first time and I'm almost afraid if I start to expect anything it will stop moving altogether. It is finally feeling real...we are really adopting a baby..our baby.. and we know we are going to meet our 4th daughter soon (if only by picture and information) and we are getting excited to find out who she is.  It's almost the way we felt when we were pregnant and waiting for our first ultrasound, only instead of seeing black and gray outlines in motion we will be seeing "her" in full color and life.  She has been this idea in my head since I got back from India 10 years ago.  Everytime I passed an Indian baby lovingly carried by her parents on the street,  I wondered if my baby would look like her.  For Todd and I, adoption had always been a part of our future plans, but this little baby has been in my heart before I knew even Todd existed and before I realized I even wanted to have a family biologically.  To see us at this point is amazing and it is a reminder that the dream is about to become tangible. It feels like it's coming full circle for me in a lot of ways. (I plan on posting some on my experience in India when I was there in 2000, at a future and undetermined date...so stay tuned!) 

It's probably a good idea to mention that as close as we are, there are still a variety of factors at play that dictate how this will unfold in the next few months.  One of those being the ACA office is again waiting to renew their license (this is the government agency in India responsible for approving babies for international referral in the first place so they are SORT of important ;) and we need them to get their license renewed as quickly as possible so that they can continue sending out referrals to all those patiently or inpatiently waiting on the waiting list).  The ACA office had their license expire in January and were issued a temporary one (for just 2 1/2 months) in April and it just ran out so I figure it will take them another few months to get the license renewed again, but it may take longer..none of us really know. There are all kinds of licenses that will need to be renewed along this process, this is just one of them.  However, this delay actually works to our advantage at the moment.  We are technically not allowed to accept a referral unless the baby we are referred and our youngest daughter, Emory, are a year apart.  Usually a baby at referral time is about 5-7 months old and Emory is 15 months right now..so we weren't expecting a referral until Aug/Sept at the earliest.  In other words (not as if it happens this way but..), if we got a call today that said "we have a baby for you!" and that baby was 6 months old, we would not be able to accept that referral because Emory and her would be closer than a year apart. India's rules state that the adopted baby and a family's youngest child must be at least a year apart in age.  We knew this way back when we decided to try and get pregnant while going through the adoption process but we never knew if it would interfere with the process or even be an issue at all during it.  So knowing all along that our two youngest kids being too close in age might come up, we currently are just feeling a bit fortunate that we are waiting at a time we had to anyways.  Our plans are to kick back a bit this summer and enjoy the wait! For once it feels pretty good to have our hands tied and be forced to enjoy the present and not always live in a future time.  Happy Waiting to All! :)

Indian FOOD..made from the best stuff on earth! :)

My mom in law is in town from Illinois and we thought we'd surprise her with a little "taste of the world" via the local Indian food restaurant take out.  She has never tried it before so we ordered a few of my husband and my favorites in the mild category (malai kofta, chicken tikka masala, samosas and extra naan) and promise her it's been "americanized" (a.k.a. toned down spice-wise to be more pleasing to her delicate palet..she's not big on spicy! :) Apparently the family that owned the restaurant must have known she was in town and raised the spice level about 10,000,000 volts as it was EXTREMELY spicy and in my opionion FANTASTIC! But not so good on getting someone who doesn't enjoy spicy foods to see how amazing Indian food is! :( HUGE FAILURE ON THE BRINGING CULTURE TO SMALL TOWN ILLINOIS SCALE!  However, I was thoroughly impressed when Nia (my 4 1/2 year old) ate every single bite (in between gulps of milk of course) and declared "I REALLY love this food!" That's our girl!

It was good talking with my mother in law tonight about adoption and describing the importance of using correction terminology when it comes to talking about our newest daughter as part of our family (birth mom: CORRECT vs. real mom: INCORRECT, biological kids: CORRECT vs. own kids: INCORRECT.)   She was not aware there were certain phrases that would be more acceptable to an adopted family than others and it was great to be able to sit down with her and talk openly about how to make our adjustment period easier when we get home from bringing our daughter from India.  Mostly, I wanted to make sure if she had any questions about adoption that she got a chance to have a voice tonight and ask us anything that was on her mind. It was a positive conversation overall and a great chance to get to describe what the next year or so will be like for all of us.  I am thankful tonight for a family that is excited along with us and supportive.  

LEARN SOMETHING NEW EVERYDAY...

Timing is everything!~  Case in point: the girls are little angels all morning..that is until I get an important phone call from our agency and then they start fighting in angry tones right into the phone...I couldn't run away fast enough!  Yes, we look like a family that needs another child! ;)

So, I just got off the phone with the director of the India program, Tami. It was just a good time to ask some questions I had and find out where things are currently.  I learned many things that I had assumed differently (or just made up apparently!) about where the babies originate from and how the process works. For some reason I had thought the babies from the orphanage we deal with were "abandoned" (as in left on the street or outside an orphanage as can be common in India) but this is not the case. The babies that are at the orphange we use in Kolkata are actually "relinquished" (signed over to the orphange by the birth parent) and so we will get a birth mother's name eventually.  That to me is excellent news! I had dreaded the thought of not even having a name to give our daughter as she grew up and started asking questions about her birth family. I may not have a ton of information but a name is something wonderful and it might mean a lot to her one day.  Another thing I learned is that the current large number of referrals that came through is not the norm.  We recently had 9 babies,.. 6 of which were accepted by families already and the other 3 that are being considered by various families at this time.  Usually there is about 2 babies every few months or so that are referred to families waiting for a child.  The government office that decides which babies are allowed to be referred to foreign families is called the ACA office.  They(and every part of the adoption process in India) must renew their license with CARA (The Central Adoption Resource Authority) from time to time and although the ACA office just renewed in April they only received a temporary license (2 1/2 months) and it expires in a few weeks, sometime in June. So we will not be hearing about any more referrals until they get their license renewed again.

Hopefully when it is renewed, we will have another huge batch of babies that will be available at once and perhaps we will be lucky enough to be one of the families that receive good news then!  Typically babies that are referred are anywhere from 5months-7 months old before we even hear about them.  We have our youngest child Emory, who is 14 1/2 months old now and we are not expecting a referral for our India baby until Sept at the EARLIEST (CARA's rules state the adopted baby must be a year apart in age from your youngest child). We are in for the long haul of course and even as quickly as we reached the top of the waiting list for a referral, we know that this is not indicative of anything down the road..it's just the way the process goes. (Not to mention once we get a referral it will still be another 6 months at least until she is ready to be picked up.)

Another thing we learned is how babies get to the referral process to begin with. Every baby at the orphange must be looked at by at least 5 families domestically (by people living in India) before they would be considered to be adoptable by foreign families (us). This is because every country, not just India, would love for their babies to stay in their own country. This makes sense to me actually, even though I'm very thankful that India is open to referring outside of India.  By the time these babies go to the ACA office to be considered as a "referral" for foreign families, they will then be approved by that office and their paperwork stamped appropriately and then sent on to our agency to see if they are a match for any of us waiting for a baby.  That stamp reassures us and them that everything up to this point has been done to find a family in India and if they can not, these children are free to be adopted outside of India. I am relieved that by the time we hear abour our baby, that the government in India has done everything they can to make sure she is adoptable locally.  I like knowing that she was not taken from her birth family unwillingly, or that there is not someone else that is considering adopting her from India, when we get the referral.  To me, that approval means that she is OURS..no strings attached, no chances that we would love her and lose her..OURS.

It was a wonderful conversation with Tami and it gave me perspective on the wait time and an idea of where our baby comes from to get to us.  What an awesome agency we have been blessed with who educates and supports us throughout every step of the process. I thoroughly appreciate all their hardwork and help and look forward to the lifelong relationship we will have with them long past our adoption.

From the Begining part 2/Starting the Adoption Process

I decided to finish what I'd started in the previous post and write this rather than make a running list off to the side of how long each part of the adoption process took us. My lists end up taking up too much space I've decided...not a big surprise there!  And this may only be interesting to people that are starting the adoption process or currently going through it so this gives readers the option of reading it or not. This is more of a "buffet style" blog...no one wants to be force fed non-applicable infomation! (food references.. must be getting hungry!)

March 22, 2008--We start Application part 1..send it 4/8/08.


April 15, 2008--App 1 approved

April 12, 2008--Attend Dillon Pre-Adoption Workshop in Tulsa (we hear that the India program at Dillon closed a few weeks before and they are no longer taking new applications...we realize we are one of the last families to get in.)

April 17, 2008--We receive Application part 2 from Dillon

June 19, 2008--Todd finds out he has Lymes Disease (not sure what this will mean for adoption plans)

July 5, 2008--Find out we're pregnant! (excited but nervous with Todd's diagnosis)

I contact Dillon and we're placed on hold until the agency can approve us due to the diagnosis. (takes about a month).

Oct 27, 2008--Send off App 2 to Dillon..Approved 11/6/08.

Aug 2008--Dillon reopens India program and begins accepting new applications.

Dec. 4, 2008--Homestudy begins..first social worker visit!

Dec 11, 2008--Second social worker visit..really love our social worker.

March 13, 2009--3rd daughter Emory born (day before my birthday!) and she is a great baby with a a sweet, soft cry! ;)

March 20, 2009--Todd loses his job due to the economy...contact Tami at Dillon and we go on hold again until our financial situation changes.

May, 2009--our Homestudy is complete but we can't use it.

Jan 1st, 2010--We get a new job! We contact Dillon Immediately!

Jan 19, 2010--Homestudy update begins, social worker visits! Feels great to be back on track!

March 16, 2010--Homestudy approved!

March 25, 2010--Receive I-800A at 9 am..send it off at 11 am!

March 29--Receive Dossier Instructions.
May 3, 2010..Complete Dossier and send to Dillon.

May 5, 2010--Fingerprinting done for I-800 A.

May 12, 2010--Dossier is Approved! (we made it onto the referral list!)

May 14, 2010--I-800 Approved.

May 19--#5 on non NRI referral list

From the Beginning

For the last 3 hours, I have been deciding the best way to include our timeline on how we came to start the adoption process. With my newfound blogging talents I set off towards creating a list on the side of the blog to show how we began all this, but long after it was too late I realized my bright idea took up WAY too much space..and prior to that realization Blogger locked up on me,... right after I had set up the list just so. AGGGHHHH!!. So as any professional blogger (a.k.a. anyone who has posted one blog) would do, I reloaded the website and it erased everything I had just done...and by now the back is hurting, the eyes are crossing and I'm thinking "WHAT JUST HAPPENED...SERIOUSLY...DID THIS JUST DO THIS?!" so to prevent this whole process being a complete waste of my time, I am posting for the second time and throwing all the info into it. Regardless of the events that transpired tonight,  I'm sort of proud of myself for getting two posts on here already. (however don't expect these actions to be a foreshadowing of whats to come ..I tend to work in short bursts of energy and I feel like I'm coming down with a "few days of doing nothing"!)

AND SO IT GOES:
Sept 2004--Todd and I get married! :) (A Halloween wedding ceremony followed on Oct 31st!)

Dec 2004--Todd and I decide we'd like to adopt from India and we research how to adopt internationally on the internet.

Jan 2005--We get pregnant with our first daughter, Anais (Nia)...surprise! surprise!

Sept 2005--Nia is born..she has the loudest cry of any baby ever heard..but much adored!

Feb 2006--I start researching adoption agencies to see if there are any that adopt to India.

March 2006--Completely unexpected news: I'm pregnant again...a little nervous but Todd is THRILLED! Meanwhile, Nia is still LOUDLY crying in the background!

April 2006--Beginning to wonder if there is some connection to my pregnancies and adoption research! ;) Feeling a bit overwhelmed and deciding to hold off on the research for awhile!

Dec 2006--Elise is born! Funny..she is an extremely loud cryer too...Hmmmm..genetics?

March 2007---Discover Dillon International adoption agency out of Tulsa and contact Christy to talk to her more about adoption.

Sept 2007--Todd and I attend a local meeting on International adoption! We're very excited!

Dec 2007--After much thought and prayer decide we would like to start the adoption process now...and (if the Lord wills) we also would like to become pregnant while going through the process. We want the adopted baby to have a sibling close in age like the other 2 girls had...but INDIA says no can do. We're disappointed but understand.

Jan 2008--Decide to take a year off from adding to our family and enjoy the blessings we have. Discuss the possibility of trying to have another biological child the following year or two and then adopt after that.

March 20, 2008--Christy from Dillon calls out of the blue and changes our life as we know it! She asks if we are still considering adoption and I tell her, "yes maybe 4 years from now" and she says "India changed their mind if you want to be pregnant while adopting". She encourages us to consider going ahead with adoption...as in NOW!

March 21, 2008--At dinner out with Todd, I tell him about the conversation with Christy and he says,"We should do it..you never know where we will be in 4-5 years". I say " yes, but what about taking a year off from growing our family...wait! this means if we're starting the adoption, we are supposed to get pregnant soon too!" The reality of what we were wanting all along starts setting in..along with the panic! I mean just in idea form being "pregnant while adopting" sounded great to us in the past...but taking the intial steps to get there is a lot to take in. Personally, after we had decided no babies for awhile, I was starting to enjoy the new life..more than I realized! However, we really believed that having 2 sets of kids close in age would be good for the kids and a support for the adopted child. Needless to say, we knew it'd work if it was God's plan. We called Christy back and said, "send us out the application, we are ready to adopt!"

Give me a day or two to recover from this post and be on the lookout for a list over to the side of the blog for how the actual adoption process has transpired up until now! I'm sure you are on the edge of your seat! :)

We MADE it..at LEAST this far!

So first off, those of you that keep a blog...I commend you for the amount of work it takes to put these things together and make it look good.  I had no clue!  It's a whole lot easier to spy on other people's blogs than to create your own..and about the time my 14 month old decided to gang up with the other 2 and declare mutiny, I decided my blog looked good enough!

Meanwhile, I am excited that I have a reason to create this blog in the first place!  We are officially on the list for a referral as of a May 12th!  YAY!  We have been looking forward to this part for over 2 years now and it feels great.  It makes the entire thing REAL.  Up until now, I tried to not get my hopes up and stay realistic (particularly through the times where it looked like our adoption plans were not working out) but now we are so close to knowing who our next daughter will be, and so naturally all that practicality goes out the window!

We have been told that we are #5 on the waiting list...which is A LOT closer to the top than we expected but there are many factors that play into which child will be referred to us (age, gender of the referrals, medical conditions, who else is on the list, how many babies they have to refer) and from what I hear it can be a short wait or a very long one, even at this point. 

Please pray that we remember it's "God's timing" throughout all of this...

(Surely, we have come through enough to know that this will unfold the way it should,...regardless of how anxious we may become along the way, but ONE can never be too sure how emotionally invested ONE may get..can ONE...so prayers are always a great idea!)

Thanks to all the adoption blogs out there that got us inspired to do one too and thrilled to be following in your footsteps! Your words taught us so much about what to expect during this process and your videos and pictures have been invaluable.  We feel like we have adopted at least 200 babies after following along with your journeys...and yet after 200 we still want another?  Hmmmm....

Must have been quite the encouragement!